Pickup Lines with Promised Results!

• Your ass is round. Like the moon.
• You can't buy melons like those at the store.
• Your hands are soft.
• Shit. Your nose. Is. Lovely.
• You look like that girl in that movie that no one watched.
• Let's kiss under a lamp post so people can watch us take our clothes off.
• Your eyebrows are real nice.
• Do you want me to blow up a ball of air and tie it to a string so you can carry it around?
• I wanna taste your saliva.
• Why don't fish walk in schools? Because they swim in schools! (and other Laffy Taffy jokes)
• I know how to swear in five languages.
• If you go out with me, I won't even make you shave your legs.
• I left my thong in your car for you to remember me by.
• Your lips look like a black person's.
• I named my stuffed animal after you. I sleep with it every night.
• I've been working out my tongue specifically for a time like this.
• I don't know a lot about kissing, but what I do know is to use your teeth.
• Your skin is paler than a skin color crayon. I would have to use a white crayon if I was drawing you.
• I would have to use an orange crayon on you, sweetheart, because of how often you spray tan.
• Your sense of humor is like my mom's.
• Native Americans have seventeen words for coitus and the word "Utah" is one of them.

You're beautiful. *Slap.